Baby steps
How did I come to be here? I’m 26.5 and sitting here in my little share house with my partner, with some surprise and general disconcertion. I’ve recently been made ‘independent’ of a paycheck and so tops off a long period of me trying to conform to some kind of cookie cutter dictation of how my life is supposed to go. Somewhere in the past 10 years I swapped my passionate spirit, independence, and drive, for a bone deep feeling that I was somehow a bad child because I couldn’t conform.
I hate working in an office, don’t work well with other people in offices, hate the 9-5 grind in more than the usual ways, and now I’m handed a fairly big kick in the pants by the universe. This is a bigger kick than last year, when I decided to pack up my life in Sydney and move here. Instead of doing what I wanted to do, I opted for another job, and then another, and all the while my mental health deteriorated because something inside me screamed THIS IS NOT WHAT I AM MEANT TO BE DOING!
What am I meant to be doing? I have known for years that I’ve wanted to work with people in something sciency, health care or education, but was so stuck on the corporate career ladder that I thought something like this was beyond my power to achieve. How do you change the momentum of your life? I have an honours degree in science, I have 6 years experience in corporate-dom, and now I’m sitting here watching all of my friends marry/pair up, procreate, buy houses, travel, do big things and I’m still trying to work out what to do.
I know that there is no timetable written down but I can’t help but feel some kind of life clock ticking.
Chime no more, oh clock of life - I am on my way, with baby steps
