Midwifery is catching

So when I was a child, my parents had St John’s Ambulance books on home first aid. I remember being fascinated at the age of 5 or 6 with the process of birth - I would read that book (one of 6 or so) regularly, probably much to the horror of my parents. I am one of 5 children and was always disappointed that my siblings were born in hospitals and I didn’t get to see either of the two that I might have, being born. I don’t actually know anything about my birth, or anyone else’s in my family. Hmmm if I ever speak to my mother about this in depth I might ask. Maybe not over dinner though!

So that puts my interest in baby making back in the early 80s. It passed out of my consciousness for a few years after that except that I loved the shape and look of pregnant ladies. That and my being delighted when I began menstruating because I could have babies then, in an innocent way of course!

Then came my teenage years, when I was VERY CAREFUL about getting pregnant and did well at school. For some reason I ended up doing something sciency at university and didn’t get into medical stuff, despite being very fascinated with the bodily bits of my degree rather than the chemistry bits. My marks suffered (hey I started uni at 16 and put myself through) and I look back thinking "why didn’t someone say to me that perhaps to succeed at univeristy I need to do something that I love, rather than what I arrogantly thought would be interesting, give me employment and secure me some glory in people’s eyes"? I can’t imagine that I could have made this decision myself at that age, but look back at that time thinking was I so angry at the world that I refused to take the advice? Or did I need to be adequate at something for the first time in my life for me to be humbled?

It didn’t really work of course and I continued on with my degree. And then into the public service. And then into the private sector. And then into a completely different industry and now unemployed. Somewhere along the line I met a girl who was studying to be a midwife and my soul practically stepped out and shook me and said DO THAT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD IN THE WORLD. And I felt that this would be again, me going "oh she’s enjoying that and so I should do it but what if she thinks I’m copying" and so I ignored it. But the more I tried the coat of being a midwiffle on, the more I felt it fit. So I looked at courses and considered my way.

For what it’s worth (neither unfortunately nor fortunately) I couldn’t do what I wanted to do the way I wanted to do it; the first hurdle. I wanted to do a degree but that would mean moving back to my "home" town and I didn’t want to do that. Again my arrogance at the world hinting that, seeing as I wanted to do something that would take me back "home", I should move "home". I met my soul mate, who happened to live in my "home" town (hint #2) and still didn’t move back there. Then at some point I worked some of this out, opened my soul to the universe and let some of the stanking obvious hints to seep into my head.

And left it too late for 2006. So I got a job. It looked and smelt like a career - a horizontal career move with a huge pay cut but I knew/know that money isn’t a motivator for me and I wanted to help people. Then I got head hunted for a new position that seemed amazing, and had an amazing payrise associated with it, and everyone said it was an opportunity and a half so off I went. I knew from day 2 that it was a mistake but the mistake was me, wasn’t it? Why wasn’t I happy? I didn’t know and spent 3 months asking that before realising that IT WASN’T ME. And so I accepted my fate and walked out with my dignity in tact and relief in my heart.

That was a month ago, and to give you some idea of what I’m talking about with the universe (I’m not religious or even that spiritual - it’s more that I think my brane works behind the scenes and people interpret their knowing things that they don’t consciously think about as the voice of God/whatever, rather than accepting their branes as more amazing than they can ever realise) giving me a kick:

- walked out of job 19-Sept
- officially unemployed 21-Sept
- given rather sizeable payout which means I don’t have to work until Christmas
- decided to be a midwiffle
- university applications close 29-Sept

So I had a week to decide, and I did decide, and I applied. And here I am waiting for the next step.