I’m trying to post something here people
There is something burbling around my head at the moment that I want to get out. Something about wanting to be the kind of midwife I imagine and being kicked in the guts to realise that this may not yet happen. Something about wanting to be more of a doula than a midwife (I think that’s the way I think anyway). Something about wanting women to give me a chance to be with them and yet not knowing how to ask. Something about being frustrated that people who aren’t prepared for hardwork, aren’t committed to hardwork and aren’t doing the hardwork are hanging around me in my tutes and classes and generally getting in the way. Something also about me being a generous soul and thinking that it’ll bite me in the arse.
This is all complicated by feelings of being completely overwhelmed, and also having to deal with the real world. Yesterday was a shit of a day involving me having my car written off and ending up in hospital after being in a car accident. It was an accident in the true sense of the word and I counted my toes this morning in the shower to ensure that yes I really did have them still. The accident could have been so much more worse but instead I walked away from it and am only shaken and a lot sore. No idea whether I’ll get my car fixed or paid out as yet, and I’m carless for a while which is a challenge! I’m also really distracted from important things like assessments and group work.
Did I mention how much I detest group work? I hate it with a passion. People don’t play nice in teams and the teams are completely arbitrary, not to mention too big at 7 people. You have people who take over and exclude others, and then whinge that those others don’t contribute. Frustrations at things like assessments that have questions with no right answer available, and unclear instructions on lots of things, and lack of access to resources, and the money, always the money involved in textbooks and travel and conferences and uniforms and such and yet knowing this is wk 4 of 3 years, at least.
Feeling you girl. My advice is this (as I hate group work too - and it’s a big piece of my program as well): get in there early and **lead**. There is little room in Midwifery for pussy-footers. Distribute tasks fairly and then rock yours hard. Those who fail to keep up or hand in work will be the ones looking like asses. Make friends with lecturers and tutors, find those students who are on the same page. Work hard and you will shortly find that those who can’t cut it will soon figure it out and get the hell out of your way. It’s a harsh reality but there you have it. Don’t try to do everyone’s work, it isn’t possible. Just make sure that you have a good handle on the pieces you are responsible for and read as widely as you can. Don’t be afraid to call your lazier classmates on their late-ness and/or crap work. Let them know that you aren’t ok with them jeopardizing your learning. Speak to your lecturers if this problem persists, make them aware of your frustration. They will almost always side with the student who is busting her arse to make stellar grades.
You do the best you can and have faith that the universe will provide.
My other tip is this: don’t worry yet about what kind of midwife you want to be. Trust me when I say that you don’t have enough knowledge yet to know this. Your heart will lead that quest in time. Focus for the time being on the work in front of you. It’s important and will help shape that midwife you will become. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, don’t over schedule yourself (I do this too), and read things which remind you in the best, positive way, of your calling. Go read the Red Tent, or Ina May’s Guide, or the Baby Catcher. and then call Tania Smallwood and Lisa Barrett (Homebirth Network of SA) and ask to hang out with them. Soak up their vibes. They are wise women who inspired the hell out of me.
I say all this with the caveat that I don’t have all the answers - I’m only 6 months further into this process than you are
I’m all over working to set up a reciprocal practicum arrangement by the way… Aus midwifery students in the States and States midwifery students over in Aus. That could be cool, right?
Thinking of you over here.
Xx L
Comment by Louisa — March 22, 2007 @ 2:15 am