And so into holidays…
Actually it’s been a while since holidays started, but today I handed up my final assignment for a subject, so all three of my first semester subjects are done diddly done. I feel like a huge weight has come off my shoulders, and exams results are due out this weekend
so I get some idea of how I’ve gone this semester. Given that it has been a personally challenging time, my marks aren’t that important to me. I want to do well, but I also know that my mind wasn’t 100% on the job either.
I am very excited to report that I am off to this:
in September in Canberra. I can’t wait until then possibly to see my best girlf but I will just have to, won’t I?? I love conferences and can’t wait to get my hands on the satchel knowledge of the other midwives. Plus I get to do a workshop on shoulder dystocia and one for CalmBirth, which are at opposite ends of the experience from one another in some respects but both topics that I’m interested in.
Birth still fascinates me on so many levels. But the shiny edges are coming off of my experience of it. I wasn’t deluded to think that all births would be slow, quiet, peaceful entries of beautiful babies into the world. I knew that the realities were of hard work, blood, particular smells, instinctual noises and pain but what I wasn’t prepared for was the overwhelming emotional shock I’ve gone through and how hardened I am going to have to be to it to survive the next 2.5 years.
My first births were in a private hospital, and as such were very medicalised. There was no pretense that the birthing room was anything but a hospital room - the setup was hospital, the bathroom between the birthing suites, the lights directed at the birthing zone, and a wide array of clean, and sterile equipment. The birthing process was induced, augmented, anaesthetised, coached, splay legged and in the 4 I saw, none was anything like a birth and everything like a delivery. The babies were whisked away immediately for suctioning, poking, measuring, bathing and wrapping before going back to mum.
As you can probably tell from my tone, this type of birth really tried my heart. It isn’t that I don’t approve or anything nearly as minimalist - it’s actually that I feel heartbroken to see women birthing like this. I can’t yet articulate what bothers me so much.
